Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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