After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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