I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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