she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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