ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
