he puts the penis in happiness.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
