I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
