I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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