I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
