I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
