Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
