Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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