So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
