Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Houston, we have a blender
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
