I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't deserve a penis
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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