don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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