Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
they need to just BURY HIM!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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