My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
