The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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