It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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