Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
