apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
