we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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