Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
