I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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