and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
