I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
