Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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