I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
