Can Purell be used as lube?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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