ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
