I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
