I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
