haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
