i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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