oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
