so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
