are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
