bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
