she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
