My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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