I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
