Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
