yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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