He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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