I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
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So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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