You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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