I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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