Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i love accidental penises.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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