I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
