where am i from again
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
