Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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