Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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