haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think my moral compass just broke
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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