He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
