dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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