so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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