dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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