The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
