I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
