did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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