I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
