Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
