The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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