I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
