I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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