Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
