just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
try to milk me bitch
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