I can text with my tongue
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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