What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
