Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
