I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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