Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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