I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
