Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
