i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
high people should be assigned attendants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
