I want to make a zoo with you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
