im about as happy as oj after his trial
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
