Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
