Who wears a wallet chain?!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
