Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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