I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
