new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
