I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am mentally ready for anal.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
