There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
