I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
