sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
