he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
