Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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