C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
