I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
