So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
