Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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