I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
